Best Jokes

A woman is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat. She thinks to herself, "Here's another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a 'poor, defenseless woman' his seat."

She pushes him back onto the seat. A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again. Again, she refuses to let him up.

Finally, the man says, "Look, you've got to let me get up. I'm two miles past my stop already."

A young couple was expecting a visit from the pastor of their church. They wanted everything to go smoothly, but their two year old son was just getting the hang of potty training. He was at the stage where he would announce at the top of his voice, "I gotta pee," when he had to go to the bathroom.

His father, worried that this might be embarrassing when the minister came to call, instructed the child, "Don't shout that you've got to pee. Whisper!"

That evening the pastor makes his visit. He's there a very long time and the two year old is on one foot and the other.

Finally, the minister asks him, "What's the matter, son?"

The child looks at his dad and says, "I've gotta whisper!"

Pastor says, "It's all right, child. Whisper in my ear."

Mother: Don't forget to include Grandma in your prayers tonight, that God would bless her and let her live to be very old.

Daughter: Oh, she's old enough. I'd rather pray that God would make her young.

Bathroom Definition: A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning.