Best Jokes

A virile, young Italian soldier was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome, when he managed to attract a spectacular Scandinavian-looking young blonde. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment, and after some small talk, they made love. After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, "So... you finish?"

She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."

Surprised, the young man reached out for her and the love making resumed. This time she thrashes about wildly and there were screams of passion. The love making ends, and again, the young man smiles, and asks, "OK, now you finish?"

And once again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him, and softly purrs, "No."

Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to outlast him, the young man reaches for the woman. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they climax simultaneously -- screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping bed sheets. The exhausted man falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiling proudly, and says, "Now you finish!"

"No!" she shouts back, "I Swedish!"

Q: What do you get if you put two state cops in an airplane?

A: Paratroopers.

Husband brings the child home from kindergarten and asks his wife, "He’s been crying the whole way home. Is he sick or something?"

"No," replies the wife, "he was just trying to tell you he isn’t our Frankie."

I was at the hospital's emergency room for a sports-related injury, and in answer to a question on the form I was given, I replied that I had a serious allergy. The nurse put a plastic band on my wrist and I sat down in the crowded waiting room.

The lady seated next to me glanced at my wrist, shock registering on her face, and then quickly moved away from me. Surprised, I looked at the band for the first time. It read "Nuts."