Best Jokes

"Yes, Theo, what is it?" asked the teacher.

"I don’t wan to alarm you, Miss Davis, but my dad said if I don't get better grades, someone was going to be in big trouble."

The poet had been droning on at the party about his various sources of inspiration. “Yes, he told the young girl. “I’m at present collecting some of my better poems to be published posthumously.” “Lovely,” said the girl. “I’ll look forward to it.”

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Lettuce!
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, its cold out here!

There are four engineers traveling in a car; a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer and a computer engineer. The car breaks down. “Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We’ll have to strip down the engine before we can get the car working again”, says the mechanical engineer. “Well”, says the chemical engineer, “it sounded to me as if the fuel might be contaminated. I think we should clear out the fuel system.” “I thought it might be a grounding problem”, says the electrical engineer, “or maybe a faulty plug lead.” They all turn to the computer engineer who has said nothing and say: “Well, what do you think?” “Ummm perhaps if we all get out of the car and get back in again?”