Best Jokes

The fellow walked into a bar he had never been in before and ordered a drink. He then asked the bartender if he enjoyed dumb-jock jokes. The beefy attendant leaned over the bar and fixed a withering glare on his customer. "Listen, buddy," he growled. "See those two big guys on the left? They're professional football players. And that huge fellow on your right is a world-class wrestler. That guy in the corner is a champion weight-lifter. And I lettered in three sports at Notre Dame. Now," he continued, "are you absolutely positive you want to go ahead and tell your dumb-jock joke here?" "Nah, I guess not," the man replied. "I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."

There are three ways a man wears his hair...

Parted, Un-parted, or Departed!

Two drunks were in a bar partying like fools. They were drinking boiler makers, buying rounds like there was no tomorrow. They were dancing, calling each other "professor," and generally causing quite a stir. When asked why such a celebration, they boasted that they just finished a jigsaw puzzle & it only took them 2 months! "TWO MONTHS?!" cried the bartender. "That's ridiculous. It shouldn't take that long!!"
"Oh yeah?" says one drunk. "The box said 2-4 YEARS!"

Why did the diet coach send her new client to the paint store?

She knew you could get thinner there!