Best Jokes

If Microsoft operated Restaurants Patron: Waiter!
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support
Waiter. What seems to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?

A ventriloquist stops to entertain some people in a small town. He's going through his usual stupid George W. jokes, when George W. himself walks up.
"I've heard just about enough of your denigrating George W. jokes!" He says. "What makes you think you can stereotype me that way? What does a person's knowledge of geography and world politics have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep people like me from being respected at work and in my community. I'm as smart as anyone else and..."
The ventriloquist begins to apologize, when George W. stops him. "You stay out of this, Mister. I'm talking to that little smart aleck on your knee!"

Bruno came home from school crying in hysterics. Looking at the bruises all
over his face, it was apparent he got into some trouble.
"What happened to you?" his father says in a panicky manner.
"You remember the other day you told me 'Sticks and stones may break my
bones, but words will never harm me.'" "Of course," the father replies.
"Well," Bruno says, "you were right about the sticks and stones."

You Know you are Addicted to the Internet When... 
· You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved, and you don't have a clue when it happened. 
· Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like. 
· All of your friends have an @ in their names. 
· Your dog has its own home page. 
· You can't call your mother... she doesn't have a modem. 
· You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed. 
· You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse. 
· You get a new suit that says, "This best viewed with Netscape 4.01 or higher." 
· The last girl you asked out was only a jpeg. 
· Your wife says communication is important in a marriage... so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.