Best Jokes

One of the world's greatest scientists was also recognized as the original absent-minded professor. One day, on board a train, he was unable to find his ticket. The conductor said, "Take it easy. You'll find it."

When the conductor returned, the professor still couldn't find the ticket. The conductor, recognizing the famous scientist, said, "I'm sure you bought a ticket. Forget about it."

"You're very kind," the professor said, "but I must find it. Otherwise, I won't know where to get off."

Sitting in the bar George asks his 40-year-old friend John, "How come you aren't married?"

John replies, "I haven't found the right woman yet."

"So what are you looking for?"

"Oh, she's got to be real pretty, a good cook, and house keeper. She's got to know how to handle money, have a nice and pleasant personality, and money. She's got to have money. And a nice big house wouldn't hurt either."

"A woman like that would be crazy to marry YOU!" says George.

"Oh, it's okay, if she is crazy."

The Rosenthals had an outstandingly happy and successful marriage, and Mr. Rosenthal was once asked to what he attributed this remarkable situation.

"It's simple," he said. "Division of labor. My wife makes all the small, routine decisions. She decides what house we buy, where we go on vacation, whether the kids go to private schools, if I should change my job, and so on."

"And you?"

"I make the big, fundamental decisions. I decide if the United States should declare war on China, if Congress should appropriate money for a manned expedition to Mars, and so on."

I’m a peripheral visionary...