Best Jokes

It is evening. Little Johnny and his friend are sitting by a camp fire.

They’ve been plagued by swarms of mosquitoes already for an hour and the assault only worsens when the darkness sets in.

Suddenly, fireflies appear. Little Johnny shouts, “These darn mosquitoes! Now they’ve even brought lanterns with them to find us!“

During the school year, the public library where I work is open on Sunday afternoons. Signs posted around the library read, Sunday service available 1:30-5:00, September-June. One day a woman was returning some books when she noticed one of these signs.

"Oh, you have Sunday service now?" she asked me.

"Yes, from 1:30 to 5:00, September through June," I explained.

"I see," she said. "And what denomination is it?"

If memory serves me right...

Well, it would be the first time.

An old guy walks into a bar and the bartender asks for ID. "You've got to be kidding," he said. "I'm almost 60 years old!"

The bartender apologized, but said he had to see the license. The guy showed his ID, then paid and told the bartender to keep the change. "The tip's for carding me," he said.

The bartender put the change in the tip cup. "Thanks," he said. "Works every time."