Best Jokes

What do you get when cross an elephant and a skunk?

A smell that you will never forget.

Suzanne was preparing a ham dinner. After she cut off the end of the ham, she placed it in a pan for baking. Her friend asked her, "Why did you cut off the end of the ham"?

She replied, "I really don't know but my mother always did, so I thought you were supposed to." Later when talking to her mother she asked her why she cut off the end of the ham before baking it, and her mother replied, "I really don't know, but that's the way my mom always did it."

A few weeks later, while visiting her grandmother, Suzanne asked, "Grandma, why is it that you cut off the end of a ham before you bake it?"

Her grandmother replied, "Well dear, it would never fit into my baking pan."

Due to budget constraints, the Board of the Daily Planet advised Perry White that he had to let one of his star reporters go. He was really overwhelmed about the magnitude of the decision. "Who should go, Clark or Lois?"

He actually did some praying, which he hadn't done for a long time. He asked, "Please. Show me a sign." That afternoon he was doing some shopping at Walmart, and when he went to his car he suddenly saw the answer.

The next day he called Clark and Lois into the office and said, "I'm sorry, Lois, but you have to go." After Lois collected her things and left, Clark took Perry aside and asked, "Chief - how did you know which one of us should go?"

Perry said, "Well, that turned out to be easier than I thought. While I was parking at Walmart, I looked up and there was the sign: FIRE LANE."

My three hundred plus pound of a grandfather loves to do karaoke. One night he was really into some heavy metal rock and roll song, even doing an air guitar routine.

Well, after he was done a young fellow came up to him and said, "You are a hip old dude!"

My grandfather snapped back, "Who you callin' a hippo - dude?!?!"