Best Jokes

I told my son, "You will marry the girl I choose."

He said, "No."

I told him, "She is Bill Gate's daughter."

He said, "Yes."

I called Bill Gates and said, "I want your daughter to marry my son."

Bill Gates said, "No".

I told Bill Gates, "My son is the CEO of World Bank."

Bill Gates said, "Okay".

I called the president of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.

He said, "No".

I told him, "My son is Bill Gate's son-in-law."

He said, "Okay."

And this is how politics works!

So I was having lunch with Bobby Fischer, the former world chess champion, and the table had a checkered tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass the salt!

I feel inadequate when talking with a mechanic, so when my vehicle started making a strange noise, I sought help from a friend. He drove the car around the block, listened carefully, then told me how to explain the difficulty when I took it in for repair.

At the shop I proudly recited, "The timing is off, and there are premature detonations, which may damage the valves."

As I smugly glanced over the mechanic's shoulder, I saw him write on his clipboard, "The man says it makes a funny noise."

Mr. Frobisher always scheduled the weekly staff meeting for four-thirty on Friday afternoons.

When one of the employees finally got up the nerve to ask why, he explained.

"I will tell you why. I've learned that's the only time of the week when none of you wants to argue with me."