Best Jokes

A woman notices her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “You know, that’s not going to help,” she says.

“Sure it does,” he answers. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner for 25 cents each. Every day a young man would leave his office building at lunch time and, as he passed her pretzel stand, he would leave her a quarter, but would never take a pretzel.

This went on for more than five years. The two of them never spoke. One day as the man passed the old ladies pretzel stand and left his quarter as usual, the pretzel woman spoke to him,

"Sir, I appreciate your business. You are a good customer, but I have to tell you that the pretzel price has increased to 35 cents."

Did you ever have a constant ringing in your ear?

I finally got the divorce.

Why can't cats use computers?

Because they only want to chase the mouse.