Best Jokes

"Mom, I wish I had the enough money to buy an elephant."

The mother asked, "Why do you want an elephant?"

The boy replied, "I never said I wanted an elephant, I just wish I had that much money."

It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following sequence of events takes place:

1. The woman goes to the market to buy the food.
2. The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.
3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a beer.
4. The man places the meat on the grill.
5. The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.
6. The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.
7. The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.
8. The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.
9. After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
10. The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off".

And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 75 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 75 year old mother says, "Not yet."

A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says, "Not yet."

Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?"

"When the baby cries."

"Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?"

The new mother says, "Because I forgot where I put it."

Father: You did well with your chores this week, how would you like a shiny new quarter?

Son: I'd rather have a dirty old dollar!