Best Jokes

I got up early this morning, still dark out, and went into the bathroom. Thinking I was grabbing the bottle of Listerine, I started gargling with Kaopectate.

My wife is thrilled. "Great!" she said. "Maybe you'll no longer have diarrhea of the mouth!"

A man went camping in a state park. Before leaving his car to go hiking he left a note on the dashboard saying, “The stereo is broke.”

He did this to deter thieves from breaking into his older model car. When returning from his hike the man noticed his car window was broken and the stereo was cut from the dashboard.

A note was left by the thief saying, “We’ll fix it.”

Be careful when you have friends who tell you they can help you break into the jewelry business...

I took their advice, and now I'm serving 9 to 15 in the state penitentiary.

It was revealed in a UK government survey that the prime minister was doing the work of two men...

Those two men would be Laurel and Hardy.