Best Jokes

Our 15-year-old daughter, Melanie, had to write a report for school about World War II, specifically D-Day and the invasion of Normandy.

"Isn't there a movie about that?" she asked.

I told her there was, but I couldn't think of the name.

Then it came to her, "Oh, I remember! Isn't it something like 'Finding Private Nemo'?"

An old Wild West fort is about to be attacked. The wily old general sends for his trusty Indian scout. "You must use all your thirty years of skill in trying to estimate the sort of army we are up against here."

The trusty Indian scout lies down and puts his ear to the ground. "Heap large war party," he says, "maybe three hundred braves, four chiefs, two on black stallions, two on white stallions. All have war paint. Many many guns. Medicine man also with them."

"Good grief!" exclaims the general. "You can tell all of that just by listening to the ground?"

"No," replies the Indian, "I can see under the gate."

One man said to another, "I got my wife a lady's wristwatch."

"Did she like it?" the second man asked.

"Yes, but then the lady showed up and took it back."

Daughter: My fiancé said I could have whatever I wanted inscribed on his wedding ring. What should I put?

Mother: Put what I put on your father's wedding ring.

Daughter: What does it say. I've never seen daddy with it off.

Mother: Yes. It's worked very well over the years. It says, "Put it back on!"