Best Jokes

Daughter: My fiancé said I could have whatever I wanted inscribed on his wedding ring. What should I put?

Mother: Put what I put on your father's wedding ring.

Daughter: What does it say. I've never seen daddy with it off.

Mother: Yes. It's worked very well over the years. It says, "Put it back on!"

What's a budget?

A 'Budget' is basically a method for going broke methodically.

I hired a lawyer who claims to have never lost a case. We lost the case and I said, "Well, there goes your advertising claim."

He replied, "I got paid and I call that a win!"

"What if I don't pay you?" I asked.

"I advise you to pay. I'll take you to court, get a judgement for the money you owe plus expenses. I'd call that a win win!"

I said, "Okay then, what do I owe you?"

His reply, "$2500 dollars plus $350."

"What's the 350 for?" I demanded to know.

His answer... "The advice I just gave you."

If it's "I before E, except after C", then shouldn't Albert Einstein be Albert Ienstien?