Did you hear about the Canadian man who had a map of Canada tattooed to his butt?
Every time he sat down, Quebec separated.
Q: There is a butcher at the butcher shop. He is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers. He has a wife and 2 kids. What does he weigh?
A: He weighs meat.
A last-minute filer walked into our state income tax office and handed me his returns. Just as he did, a peal of laughter could be heard in another room.
Glaring at me, he grumbled, “What are they doing back there, counting the money?”
A student was heading home for the holidays. When she got to the airline counter, she presented her ticket to New York and as she gave the agent her luggage she asked, "I'd like you to send my green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red suitcase to London."
The confused agent said, "I'm sorry, we can't to that."
"Really? I am so relieved to hear you say that because, that's exactly what you did to my luggage last year!"