Best Jokes

As a young boy I asked my grandpa when the rain was going to stop. He replied with a twinkle in his eye, "If this rain keeps up... it won't come down!"

- No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight.
- If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate in the terminal.
- If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.

- Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.
- If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence just as soon as you touch pen to paper.
- Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the washroom.

- The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to you.
- The best looking woman on your flight is never seated next to you.
- The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard

A poultry farmer was experimenting to breed turkeys with more legs for greater profits. Finally, he succeeded. While narrating the results to his friends, he told them, "The turkey I bred had six legs!"

His friends, who had gotten quite excited, eagerly asked, "What about the taste?"

The farmer said with a long-drawn face, "I have no idea. Can't catch it."

Smith was always tired. After a while, he became known in the office for dozing off at his desk, sometimes even several times a day. Granted, he had a good reason. His wife had just had twins and he didn't get much sleep at home. But his boss was having none of it. He told Smith that if he was caught sleeping on the job one more time, he would be fired.

That same week, the boss decided to make a surprise visit at Smith's desk, to see if the situation had improved. You can imagine what happened next, he found Smith asleep.

But Smith was a quick thinker. He woke up just in time, remained in his position and calmly delivered the following line that saved his job: "... and I especially thank you for my excellent boss. Amen."