Best Jokes

A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong. "All right children, let's take another example," she said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his wallet with all his money, what would I be?"

Little Johnny raised his hand, and with a confident smile, he blurts out, "You'd be his wife or girlfriend!"

A delinquent student returns a book to the library, bangs it on the counter and yells, “I read this entire novel! It is badly written with different handwritings, contains too many names of people and no story at all. Take your book and note that I would not pay any fine for late return!"

The Librarian looks up and responds, “Idiot, so you are the one who took the Attendance book?"

The kings sent out explorers in search of new lands and treasures. Upon conclusion of a grand find they’d dispatch messages via carrier pigeon to the castle palace promptly informing the king.

Caravans traveled north, south, east and west. One day these intrepid explorers came upon villages that all had something rare and exotic in common. Each village had a delicate and supple food called smoked ham. The kings men were delighted for they had never tasted such a delicacy.

This was such great news each caravan decided to send all of their carrier pigeons at once. They wanted to insure these messages of grandeur found their mark. The pouches carried by the royal pigeons were filled with bits and pieces of this remarkable substance.

Suddenly the skies became darkened around the castle as hordes of carrier pigeons flooded the palace with massive amount of messages all at once. This angered the king, it was the first time he’d ever been spammed.

The Feron psychiatric hospital was also a teaching and research institute. Today marked the first day of a new semester. After the students arrived in class, Professor McDoogle introduced herself. She then said, "Please take out a blank sheet of paper and write down you’re deepest thoughts concerning this question: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"

The students seemed to be rather puzzled and some even started to giggle a little bit. This was swiftly ended by a stern word from the teacher explaining this paper would result in a third of their grade. She went on to say it may be the most important object lesson they’ll ever learn during their education process. Realizing this was serious and must hold profound meaning far beyond the questions exterior. At this the students began to bare down and search for a solution with great veracity.

Forty five minutes later the students were producing pages of written dialog. Each thought seemed to pose deeper and more complex avenues of discovery as their quest intensified in epic proportion. Just then an orderly poked his head into the classroom.

"There you are, Mrs. McDoogle, we’ve been worried about you. I see you’ve been switching class room numbers again!"