Best Jokes

Smith was always tired. After a while, he became known in the office for dozing off at his desk, sometimes even several times a day. Granted, he had a good reason. His wife had just had twins and he didn't get much sleep at home. But his boss was having none of it. He told Smith that if he was caught sleeping on the job one more time, he would be fired.

That same week, the boss decided to make a surprise visit at Smith's desk, to see if the situation had improved. You can imagine what happened next, he found Smith asleep.

But Smith was a quick thinker. He woke up just in time, remained in his position and calmly delivered the following line that saved his job: "... and I especially thank you for my excellent boss. Amen."

A man walked into a bar with a banana on his head. As he served him, the bartender said, "Look, I don't know if you realize this, but you've got a banana on your head."

"That's okay," said the man. "I always wear a banana on my head on Tuesdays."

"But today's Wednesday," said the bartender.

"It's not, is it?" groaned the man. "Oh no! I must look like a complete idiot!"

I’ll do algebra, I’ll do statistics, I’ll even do trigonometry…

But graphing, THAT is where I draw the line!

I wasn't planning on going for a run this morning, but those mall security guards came out of nowhere!