Best Jokes

I told my friend that my wife and I had a huge argument and she left for the Caribbean.

"Jamaica?" he asked.

"No," I replied, "she went of her own accord."

An effusive client brought a litter of puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. She loved them so much, she couldn't keep from remarking about their cute habits.

As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog's head when I had finished.

After the fourth puppy, I noticed my talkative client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I never realized they had to be baptized."

Today I turned on the television and saw commercials...

Every now and then they were interrupted by some Olympics coverage.

On my birthday I got a really funny card. It joked about how our bodies might be getting older, but our minds remain "tarp as shacks."

I wanted to thank the person who sent it, but I can't. They forgot to sign the card.