Best Jokes

"Mom, you said the baby had your eyes and Daddy's nose, didn't you?"

"Yes, darling."

"Well, you'd better keep an eye on him... he's got grandpa's teeth now.

"But why can't I talk inside the library?" Al asked his mother.

"Because you have to be quiet. Noise is a distraction. The people around you can't read."

"They can't read? Then why are they in the library?"

I am not liking the man I have become...

It's not a good sign when I answer Dora before my toddler does.

A senior couple pulls up to a rest stop to get something to eat.

Waiter: "How may I help you?"

Elderly Man: "Two hamburgers, please."

Elderly Lady: "What did he say?"

Elderly Man [yelling]: "He asked what we wanted and I told him 'Two hamburgers'!"

Waiter: "So, where are you heading?"

Elderly Man: "To Chicago to see our grandchildren."

Elderly Lady: "What did he say?"

Elderly Man [yelling]: "He asked where we're going. I told him we're going to see the grandkids!"

Waiter: "It sure is a nice day for a drive."

Elderly Man: "Yes, it's been quite pleasant."

Elderly Lady: "What did he say?"

Elderly Man [yelling]: "He said it's good weather!"

Waiter: "Where are you coming from?"

Elderly Man: "We started our trip from Pittsburgh."

Elderly Lady: "What did he say?"

Elderly Man [yelling]: "He asked where we're from and I said Pittsburgh!"

Waiter: "I dated a girl from Pittsburgh once. She wouldn't shut up and couldn't cook if her life depended on it."

Elderly Lady: "What did he say?"

Elderly Man [yelling]: "He says he knows you!"