Best Jokes

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.

A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those pretty 4-wheel drive vehicles?"

"She did," he replied, "But where in the world was I going to find a fake jeep!"

As a young boy I asked my grandpa when the rain was going to stop. He replied with a twinkle in his eye, "If this rain keeps up... it won't come down!"

- No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight.
- If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate in the terminal.
- If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.

- Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.
- If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence just as soon as you touch pen to paper.
- Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the washroom.

- The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to you.
- The best looking woman on your flight is never seated next to you.
- The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard

A poultry farmer was experimenting to breed turkeys with more legs for greater profits. Finally, he succeeded. While narrating the results to his friends, he told them, "The turkey I bred had six legs!"

His friends, who had gotten quite excited, eagerly asked, "What about the taste?"

The farmer said with a long-drawn face, "I have no idea. Can't catch it."