Best Jokes

A high school girl, seated next to a famous astronomer at a dinner party, struck up a conversation with him by asking, “What do you do in life?”

He replied, “I study astronomy.”

“Dear me,” said the girl. “I finished astronomy last year.”

Reporter interviewing a 105-year-old lady....

"What is the best thing about being 105?" the reporter asked.

The old lady replied, "No peer pressure."

Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers.

"So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe."

Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000."

The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Leon. "Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits!"

Sometimes when I'm driving, I know I want to change lanes. I'm just not sure which lane I want. So I turn on my hazard lights.

I may be going left, I may be going right ... either way, you have been warned.