Best Jokes

Take five female pigs, and put them with five male deer.

You would have ten sows and bucks!

A woman was notified that her grandmother just passed away and left her a big inheritance.

The instruction were, "My dear I left you some money but you need to log on to this account I had set up for you with my bank. The money should be right there in the CD I had set up. But you need a computer in order to get your money."

The granddaughter was excited and went to her home computer and logged on to the account. She was sad that after 10 minutes of waiting she did not see the money coming out from the CD-ROM insert. Her husband came home to see his wife sitting in front of the computer with a very sad face. He asked his wife, "What's the matter my lovely wife I thought you would be happy to received that kind of inheritance?"

The wife replied, "I would if the dang computer would just spit the money out."

Why are lawyers liable to go to hell?

They are so full of lies it makes the devil blush.

Two Irishmen, Murphy, and O'Brien grew up in the same village together. They were friends all their lives, married a pair of sisters, and lived just down the street from one another.

But now, Murphy had cancer and was lying on his deathbed, surrounded by his friends.

He calls, "O'Brian, come 'ere O'Brien. I 'ave a request for ye." O'Brien walks to his friend's bedside and kneels down.

"O'Brien, we've been friends all our lives, and now I'm dying 'ere. I 'ave one last request fir ye to do."

O'Brien bursts into tears, "Anything Murphy, anything ye wish. It's done."

"Well, under my bed is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland. Bottled the year I was born it was. After I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into my bones and I'll be able to enjoy it for all eternity."

O'Brian was overcome by the beauty and true Irish spirit of his friend's request. "Aye, tis a fine thing you ask of me, and I will pour the whiskey. But, might I strain it through my kidneys first?"