Best Jokes

Notice sent to residents of a Whiltshire parish:

DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS WITH VANDALS WE MUST ASK ANYONE WITH RELATIVES BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP THEM IN ORDER.

What has a bottom at its top?

A pair of legs!

Sign on the door of a church nursery quotes Paul in 1 Corinthians 15:51:

"Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed."

The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drinking. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs.

"Now don't let me ever see your face again," said the Justice sternly as the defendant turned to go.

"I'm afraid I can't promise that, sir," said the released man.

"And why not?"

"Because I'm the barman at your regular pub."