Best Jokes

Susie: My husband is a great handyman. He can repair almost anything.

Jane: My mother always taught me to beware of the man that can fix everything. You'll never get anything new.

"I proposed to my girl friend last night, who just got promoted to a HR position earlier in the day."

"That is cool! What did she say?"

She said, "We will get back to you soon."

My boss called me into his office today.

“We both know you’re not the brightest spark here, Simon,” he said, “but over the last 5 years you’ve never been sick or late and I think you deserve a reward. So, how does a brand new car sound?”

“Vrooom! Vrooooom!” I replied.

At the school where my mother worked, the two first-grade teachers were Miss Paine and Mrs. Hacking. One morning the mother of a student called in the middle of a flu epidemic to excuse her daughter from school.

"Is she in Paine or Hacking?" the school secretary asked.

"She feels fine," said the confused mom. "We have company and I'm keeping her home."