Best Jokes

Teacher: "I have went. That's wrong isn't it?"

Little Johnny: "Yes ma'am."

Teacher: "Why is it wrong?"

Little Johnny: "Because you ain't went yet."

Little Johnny's father sees him crying and worriedly asks what's wrong. "Oh," Johnny sniffles. "I lost a nickel."

"There, there, son," his father says kindly. "I'll give you a nice new nickel." He then reaches into his wallet, takes out a nickel, and gives it to Johnny.

Despite his father's kindness, Johnny only cries harder. "Say, what's wrong now, son?" his father asks, very perplexed.

"Now I wish I'd said I lost a quarter!"

A man in a hunter's outfit enters a butcher's shop. "I would like to buy two undressed ducks, please."

"I'm very sorry," the butcher replies. "But I'm afraid we're fresh out of ducks. I can sell you a couple of fresh chickens instead if you like."

"Chickens!" the hunter exclaims. "I can't go home and tell my wife I bagged a couple of chickens!"

USA Today: We're Dead

The Wall Street Journal: Dow Jones Plummets As World Ends

Microsoft Systems Journal: Apple Loses Market Share

Sports Illustrated: Game Over

Rolling Stone: The Grateful Dead Reunion Tour

Readers Digest: Bye

Discover Magazine: How Will The Extinction Of All Life As We Know It Affect The Way We View The Cosmos?

Tv Guide: Death And Damnation: Nielson Ratings Soar!

Lady's Home Journal: Lose 10 lbs By Judgment Day With Our New "Armageddon" Diet!

Inc. Magazine: Ten Ways You Can Profit From The Apocalypse