Best Jokes

Sometimes I feel like no one understands me- not even Siri. I dictated a text, on my phone, to my daughter. I said "Mom and I have been praying for you lately."

But when I checked it, I found that it read, "Mom and I have been praying for you lightly." Yeah we didn't want to overdo it or anything.

I just can't stand people who look down on people who look down on people.

When my wife and I went out for dinner I thought I'd have a little fun. I said to her, "Did you see that waitress? She looked at me and smiled."

Without batting an eye my wife responded, "So what, the first time I saw you I laughed right out loud. It means nothing."