Best Jokes

When I met my now wife, I asked if she was vegetarian because she really loved animals.

She responded, "No, I just really hate vegetables."

Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules.

Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.

Theology is a game whose object is to bring rules into the subjective.

One of our projects at military leadership school called for us to speak in front of the class on a topic picked by our instructor.

A classmate gave an impassioned speech on the benefits of drinking liquor. Alcohol, he insisted, warded off colds, kept you alert, and even made you steadier on your feet.

"Good job," said our instructor when he finished. "Only one thing: Your topic was the benefits of drinking liquids, not liquor."

Having raised a large family, my mother cooked everything in battalion-size batches.

So when my newly married brother, Ron requested her chop-suey recipe, she experimented for two weeks with the ingredients in order to cut the dish down for the honeymooners.

"Thanks for the recipe, Mom," "Ron wrote home. "The first thing we did was triple it so we would have plenty of leftovers!"