Best Jokes

A diner at a restaurant is becoming very impatient with his slow waiter. "Excuse me," he says to the waiter as he passes by. "Have you been to the zoo?"

"Why no," the waiter replies.

"Well, you might enjoy it," the diner replies. "You'd get a real charge out of watching the sloths dash around."

Teacher: "I have went. That's wrong isn't it?"

Little Johnny: "Yes ma'am."

Teacher: "Why is it wrong?"

Little Johnny: "Because you ain't went yet."

Little Johnny's father sees him crying and worriedly asks what's wrong. "Oh," Johnny sniffles. "I lost a nickel."

"There, there, son," his father says kindly. "I'll give you a nice new nickel." He then reaches into his wallet, takes out a nickel, and gives it to Johnny.

Despite his father's kindness, Johnny only cries harder. "Say, what's wrong now, son?" his father asks, very perplexed.

"Now I wish I'd said I lost a quarter!"

A man in a hunter's outfit enters a butcher's shop. "I would like to buy two undressed ducks, please."

"I'm very sorry," the butcher replies. "But I'm afraid we're fresh out of ducks. I can sell you a couple of fresh chickens instead if you like."

"Chickens!" the hunter exclaims. "I can't go home and tell my wife I bagged a couple of chickens!"