Best Jokes

A horse walks into a bar...

... the trainer says, "Next time, jump!"

There are two girls in a car driving down a steep hill. All of a sudden the driver realizes that the brakes are not working.

She tells the passenger that the brakes don't work and they will soon drive off the side of the cliff, as she can't stop at all.

The passenger then replies, "Don't worry! There's a stop sign ahead."

A college student could not take his seminar final exam because of a funeral.

"No problem," the teacher told him. "Make it up the following week." That week came, and again he couldn't take the test due to another funeral.

"You'll have to take the test early next week," the professor insisted. "I can't keep postponing it."

"I'll take the test next week if no one dies," the undergrad replied.

By now I the instructor was suspicious. "How can you have so many people you know pass away in three weeks?"

"I don't know any of these people," the student exclaimed. "But I'm the only gravedigger in town."

A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida.

"Is it true," the tourist asked, "that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"

"That depends," replied the guide, "on how fast you carry the flashlight."