Best Jokes

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations...

On a door: "Push. If that doesn't work, pull. If that doesn't work, we must be closed."

Message on a leaflet: "If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons."

Outside a photographer's studio: "Out to lunch: if not back by five, out for dinner also."

In a store: "Prices subject to change according to customer's attitude."

Next to a swimming pool: "Welcome to our ool. Notice there's no 'p' in it. Let's keep it that way."

I avoid clichés like the plague.

Monday morning a man bumped into the priest, “Good morning Father, you should know, I was by your sermon yesterday, and I couldn't fall asleep last night!"

“Why what was it that I said?" asked the priest.

“Oh no, I wasn't listening to what you said, I slept the whole way through."

A lot of people have a bucket list of 50 things they wanna do in there lifetime.

I just have one, and that's to forget the 50 that I did!!!