Best Jokes

A man woke up in the morning deeply repentant  after a bitter fight with his wife the previous night. He noticed with dismay the crate of beer bottles that had caused the fight. He took it outside and started smashing  the empty bottles one by one against a wall.

He smashed the first bottle swearing, "You are the reason I fight with  my wife!"
He smashed the second bottle, "You are the reason I don't love my children!"
He smashed the third bottle, "You are the reason I don't have a decent job!"
When he took the fourth bottle, he realized that the bottle was still sealed and was full. He hesitated for only a moment and then said, "You stand aside, I know you were not involved."

Men will be men.
 

Help me! The paranoid delusional people are after me!!!

Yo Momma so fat when she weighs herself on a scale, the scale says "Hey now! One person at a time!"

OK, we all know that 666 is the Number of the Beast.

But did you know that:

$665.95 - Retail price of the Beast
$699.25 - Price of the Beast plus 5% sales tax
$769.95 - Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul
$656.66 - Walmart price of the Beast
6, uh... what was that number again? - Number of the Blonde Beast
00666 - Zip code of the Beast
1-900-666-0666 - Live Beasts! One-on-one pacts! Call Now! Only $6.66/minute. Over 18 only please.
Route 666 - Highway of the Beast
666 F - Oven temperature for roast Beast
666k - Retirement plan of the Beast
6.66 % - 5 year CD interest rate at First Beast National Bank, $666 minimum deposit.
i66686 - CPU of the Beast
666i - BMW of the Beast
DSM-666 - Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast
668 - Next-door neighbor of the Beast