Best Jokes

Why doesn't somebody cross electric blankets with toasters?

That way, we could pop out of bed each morning!

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening...

But tonight with you wasn't it.

A men's Sunday school teacher asked the men how they would spend the next 30 days if they knew the world would end. The first man said, "I would spend it on a mission to Africa."

They all agreed this was a great idea. The second man said, "I would volunteer at the local hospital and help as many as possible."

They all agreed this was a worthy goal as well. The third man said if he only had 30 days to live he would spend every minute with his ex-wife. They were all shocked at his answer as he had endured a most miserable marriage to a shrew.

"Why would you want to spend your last 30 days with a woman you hated?" they asked.

'Well, I really am not looking forward to the end of the world and I would want to delay it as long as possible. And believe me, living with my ex-wife would make 30 days seem like an eternity!"

John and I were putting the siding on a barn we were building. I noticed John would take nails out of his pouch, hammer in a few and throw a few away.

I asked him why he was throwing so many nails away. He said he was throwing them away because they had the heads on the wrong end.

I shook my head and said, "John! Don't you know anything about carpentry? Those nails are for the other side of the building!"