Best Jokes

A woman begins to pray, "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery."

Lottery night comes and somebody else wins.

She again prays, "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.

So, once again, she prays, "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help and I've always been a good servant to You. Please let me win the lottery just this one time, so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly, there is a blinding flash of light as the Heavens open. She is overwhelmed by the voice of God, Himself.

He says, "Sweetheart, work with me on this. Buy a ticket."

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper so I’d be in your hand all day.

Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper, So I could have new one everyday.

On a Chemistry exam at Midpark High School in Middleburg Heights, Ohio, one question concerned how to clean the floor after a chemical-powder spill.

In detail, I described the liquid I would combine with the powder in order to dissolve it with chemical bonding and electron transfer. I was pleased with my grasp of molecular structure until the exams were handed back. L

Our teacher asked another student to read her answer. She suggested a broom and a dustpan to sweep up the spill -- and got full credit.

A guy at the office was at the water fountain, when his co-worker asked, "Did you hear about the guy who got run over by a boat in Venice?"

"Yeah - he's gondola better place."