Best Jokes

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening...

But tonight with you wasn't it.

A men's Sunday school teacher asked the men how they would spend the next 30 days if they knew the world would end. The first man said, "I would spend it on a mission to Africa."

They all agreed this was a great idea. The second man said, "I would volunteer at the local hospital and help as many as possible."

They all agreed this was a worthy goal as well. The third man said if he only had 30 days to live he would spend every minute with his ex-wife. They were all shocked at his answer as he had endured a most miserable marriage to a shrew.

"Why would you want to spend your last 30 days with a woman you hated?" they asked.

'Well, I really am not looking forward to the end of the world and I would want to delay it as long as possible. And believe me, living with my ex-wife would make 30 days seem like an eternity!"

John and I were putting the siding on a barn we were building. I noticed John would take nails out of his pouch, hammer in a few and throw a few away.

I asked him why he was throwing so many nails away. He said he was throwing them away because they had the heads on the wrong end.

I shook my head and said, "John! Don't you know anything about carpentry? Those nails are for the other side of the building!"

After weeks of getting the cold shoulder from his wife, the unhappy husband finally confronted her.

"Admit it, Linda. The only reason you married me is because my grandfather left me $10 million."

"Don't be ridiculous," she replied. "I don't care who left it to you."