Best Jokes

At the outpatient surgery center where I work, the anesthesiologist often chatted with patients before their operations to help them relax.

One day he thought he recognized a woman as a co-worker at the VA hospital where he had trained. When the patient confirmed that his hunch was correct, he said, "So, tell me, is the food still as bad there as it used to be?"

"Well," she replied, "I'm still cooking it."

A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was
on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if
she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole,and
you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her
and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady
again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole
behind me, so you must be on the 13th." Once again he thanked her.

He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady
sitting at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said, "Let me buy
you a drink to show my appreciation for your help."

He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did. She
said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what
she sold.

She replied, "If I told you, you would only laugh." "No, I wouldn't,"
he said. She said, "I sell tampons." With that he fell on the floor
laughing so hard. She said, "See, I knew you would laugh."

"That's not what I'm laughing at,"he replied. "I'm a toilet paper
salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!".

Q: What do you call it when an astronaut gets sick after eating?

A: Launching his lunch!

The little boy was no more than seven years old. It was time for Church, and he wanted to take his teddy bear, whom he had always called Frank. His parents protested, but he insisted that he had to take Frank, so they finally relented.

When the donation baskets were passed, he put the teddy bear in the plate, along with a few coins.

Later, when asked about it, he simply said, "Well, the Bible says the wise men brought Jesus the gifts gold, frankincense and myrrh. I didn't have any gold, and I don't know what myrrh is. So I just gave Frank and cents!"