Best Jokes

A woman walks up to a bartender and asks for a Double Entendre, so he gives it to her.

A man was on the very top diving board of a swimming pool. He poised, lifted his arms, and was about to dive when the attendant came running up, shouting, “Don’t dive. There’s no water in that pool.” “That’s all right,” said the man. “I can’t swim.”

The flight attendant was pointing out to passengers that their seats could be removed and used as floatation devices. One woman, on her first flight, said, “I’d prefer to be sitting on a parachute!’

Two Irishmen were talking: The first asks, "Connor, you know that guy Trump who is running for President?" Connor says, “I do Sean, I do." "Well", says Sean, "The next time he gets up to talk, I'd like to see someone throw a shoe at his head". "Now, now, you know you're not supposed to wish harm on anyone", says Connor. "Oh!” says Sean, "I'm not wishing him harm, and I just want to see Donald duck."