Best Jokes

You are a lousy cook if...

Your family automatically heads for the table every time they hear a fire siren.

Anyone has ever broken a tooth eating your homemade yogurt.

Your kids know what "peas porridge in a pot nine days old" tastes like.

Your son goes outside to make mud pies, the rest of the family grabs forks and follows him.

Your kids' favorite drink is Alka-Seltzer.

You have to buy 25 pounds of dog food twice a week for your toy poodle.

Your kids got even with the neighborhood bully by inviting him over for dinner.

Your husband refers to the smoke detector as the oven timer.

No matter what you do to it the gravy still turns bright purple.

A Soviet journalist walks into the hospital and tells the desk nurse, "I want to see the Eye/Ear doctor."

"There is no such doctor " she tells him. "Perhaps you would like to see someone else?"

"No, I need to see an eye-ear doctor," he says.

"But there is no such doctor," she replies. "We have doctors for the eyes and doctors for the ear, nose and throat, but no eye-ear doctor."

He repeats, "I want to see the eye-ear doctor."

They go around like this for a few minutes and then the nurse says: "Comrade, there is no eye-ear doctor, but if there were one, why would you want to see him?"

"Because," he replies, "I keep hearing one thing and seeing another."

Question What is love and explain in details ?
(16 Marks)

Arts Student:
Answer: Love is life. (Marks : 5 out of 16)

Law Student:
Answer : Love is pain. (Marks : 5 out of 16)

Medical Student:
Answer : Love is god. (Marks : 5 out of 16)

EngineeringStudent:
Answer :

- Definition:
A serious disorder of heart due to relationship between men & women that can cause death of 1 or both depending on the resistance associated.

- TYPES:
1 sided & 2 sided

- AGE:
Usually occurs in teenagers but nowadays can be found in any age.

- SYMPTOMS:
Tension
Daydreaming
Insomnia
Phone Addiction

- DIAGNOSIS BY:
Diary
Photos
Mobile

- TREATMENT:
Anti-LOVE therapy by Father's Shoe
or
Mother's Sandal.

(marks 16 out of 16 ) - Excellent!
______________________
NOTE :-
Don't ask engineering students, they can stretch any thing for 16 marks!

Little Johnny's dad drove Johnny to boarding school and leaves him there. For the following week however, Johnny misses school.

When Johnny returned to school the next week the teacher asks Johnny why he had missed class for a week. Johnny replied that his dad passed away and he had to attend to his funeral.

The following week, Johnny's dad comes to visit Johnny at school and was directed to Johnny's classroom. While at the door, Johnny's dad knocks and says “Excuse me sir, I am here to see my son, Johnny. I am his dad."

Teacher surprised and confused asks, "Are you Johnny's real dad? I thought Johnny's father had passed away?" Johnny's Father is confused.

The teacher realized what was going on. So he quickly turns to the class and calls out “Johnny, your dead father is here to see you."

Johnny's heart beats faster and he grows small, but looks up to the teacher and whispers "How the heck did he came back alive."