Best Jokes

How do you identify a bald eagle?

All his feathers are combed over to one side.

- You wake up face down on the pavement.

- You jump out of bed in the morning and miss the floor.

- You turn on the morning news, and they're showing emergency routes out of your city.

- Your bar of Ivory soap sinks.

- You put both contact lenses in the same eye.

- The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.

- Your horn gets stuck when you're following a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.

I'm sleeping on the couch tonight.

It's my fault. My wife just discovered that she is lactose intolerant and I asked her where she wanted to move to.

She stared at me in confusion.

I explained, "You live in the Milky Way Galaxy."

Taylor Swift's "Eras" tour pulled in $1 billion in ticket sales and by the time she's done touring the globe, she's expected to have sold over $2 billion tickets.

From here on, the phrase, "Poor Taylor Swift" has been banned.