Best Jokes

Q: What kind of socks do bears wear?

A: They don't wear any, they have bear feet.

An old lady went on a cruise. When the ship was underway, she stood on the upper deck and watched the world go by. The day was very windy so she stood with one hand holding down her hat.

A young man walked by and excused himself to address her. "Madam, are you aware that your skirt is blowing in the wind and fully exposing you?"

"Yes," she replied.

"But, your rear end is totally exposed?" he said.

"Young man, everything down there is quite old. My hat, on the other hand, I bought yesterday."

There’s a story told about a lone cowboy who went to an evening service at a little country church up in Montana. There was a snowstorm and the only two people who showed up were the preacher and the cowboy. They waited and waited.

Finally the preacher said, "Well, I guess we might as well go on home, it doesn't look like anyone else is going to show up."

The cowboy responded, "Now preacher, when I go out to feed cattle, and only one cow shows up, I still feed her!"

The preacher said "Okay," and proceeded to preach an hour-long sermon.

After it was over the cowboy said, "Preacher, that was a good sermon, but you know, when I feed cattle, and only one cow shows up, I don’t give her the whole load!"

When asked by his grandchildren to describe his retirement Grandpa proudly answered, "It's great! Some days at 3:00 pm I take off my pajamas and get dressed, and some days at 3:00 pm I put on my pajamas and get ready for early dinner and bed!"