Best Jokes

Professor (picking on a sleepy student): "Name two pronouns."

Student (yawning): "Who? Me?"

Professor: "Very good, and here I thought you were inattentive."

A guy walks into a restaurant with a small dog. The waiter says, "Sir, I'm very sorry, but we don't allow dogs in here."

The guy replies, "But this isn't just any dog ... this dog can play the piano!"

The waiter responds, "Well, if he can play that piano, you both can stay and have a meal on the house!"

So the guy sits the dog on the piano stool, and the dog starts playing. Ragtime, Mozart ... and the waiter and patrons are enjoying the music. Suddenly a bigger dog runs in, grabs the small dog by the scruff of the neck, and drags him out.

The waiter asks the guy, "What was that all about?"

The guy says, "Oh, that was his mother. She wanted him to be a doctor."

As the only vegetarian in the family, the mother of the house often gets tired of defending her food choices to other family members. She didn't realize how often the subject is actually discussed until one day, when she picked up her six-year-old, Jordan, from school. His class had made chickens using potatoes and paper feathers.

Jordan proudly presented his little project, announcing excitedly, "Mom, we finally have the kind of meat even you can eat!"

What is the main cause of divorce?

Marriage!