Best Jokes

It was revealed in a UK government survey that the prime minister was doing the work of two men...

Those two men would be Laurel and Hardy.

A squirrel was sitting in an apple tree. All of a sudden a cow started climbing up the tree. Surprised to see a climbing cow the squirrel asked the newcomer, "What the heck are you doing here?"

The cow replied, "I thought I'd eat some oranges."

"But this is an apple tree."

"I know. I brought my own."

"Mom, I wish I had the enough money to buy an elephant."

The mother asked, "Why do you want an elephant?"

The boy replied, "I never said I wanted an elephant, I just wish I had that much money."

It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following sequence of events takes place:

1. The woman goes to the market to buy the food.
2. The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.
3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a beer.
4. The man places the meat on the grill.
5. The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.
6. The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.
7. The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.
8. The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.
9. After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
10. The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off".

And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.