Best Jokes

Part of my job as a 911 dispatcher is to interrogate callers who are in various states of panic so I can send the appropriate emergency equipment. One day a woman called to say that a family member had fallen and needed to go to a hospital.

After finding out where she lived and assuring her that the paramedics would arrive shortly, I asked her, "Do you know what caused the fall?"

"No," the woman nervously replied. "What?"

The phlebotomist entered the hospital room to draw blood. Noticing an apple on the patient's nightstand, she remarked, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away."

"That's true," the patient replied. "I haven't seen a doctor in three days."

Today I found out that Dwayne Johnson lives in the apartment above mine.

Can’t believe that for years I've been living under a Rock.

Why do croutons come in airtight packages?

Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?