Best Jokes

A guy is at a bar, staring at his drink. Then a big truck driver comes up, takes the drink and chugs it down. The poor man starts crying. The trucker says, "I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man crying." ... "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to work, so my boss fires me. When I leave, I discover my car was stolen. I get a cab to return home and realize I left my wallet in the cab. I go home and find my wife sleeping with the gardener. I leave, come to this bar and just as I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

As a concierge at a posh resort, I was often asked about the ski facilities. One day a couple who had just checked in after a long flight came by and asked me where the lift was.

"Go down the hill," I told them, "out the door, past the pool, 200 yards down the block, and you'll see it on your right."

Their tired faces suddenly looked even more exhausted, until the man behind them spoke up.

"They're from England," he said. "I think they're looking for the elevator."

Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.

Do you know why a roach clip is called a roach clip?

Because "pot holder" was already taken.