Best Jokes

One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller. You don't love me any more?"

"Nonsense, darling," replied the husband, "you just cook better now."

Wife to husband: Do you know what a closet is for?

Husband: Yes. A closet it wear I hang my clothes when all the door knobs are full.

Mary's fourth-grade homework assignment was to make sentences using the words in her spelling list, along with the definition.

Coming across the word "frugal" in the list, she asked her father what it meant. He explained that being frugal meant you saved something.

Her paper read...

Frugal: to save

Sentence: Maid Marion fell into a pit when she went walking in the woods so she yelled for someone to come get her out.

She yelled "Frugal me, Frugal me!"

An elderly woman lived on a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for years. The now widowed woman lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren. One day her son came into her room holding a letter.

"I just got some news, Mom," he said. "The government has come to an agreement with the people in North Dakota. They've decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think?"

"What do I think?" his mother said. "Sign it! Call them right now and tell them we accept! I don't think I could stand another one of those Canadian winters!"