Best Jokes

Experienced ice fisher has spent an hour at his fishing hole but is not having luck. He sees a kid sitting nearby on the ice pulling in one fish after another out of the water with his pole. Finally the older gentleman trudges over to the kid and asks him, "I've been watching ya kid, what's your trick?"

The kid mumbles with his lips tightly clamped shut, "M-mmm-mmmm-mmm." When asked again the gentleman gets the same response, "M-mmm-mmmm-mmm." Only this time with more emphasis.

Upon asking the third time the kid spits out a glossy sticky worm into his hand and says, "Ya gotta keep your worms warm!"

A customer to the bartender, as he tries to convince him that he is not drunk... "I feel more like I do now than I did when I came in here!"

I do not believe in diets. The closest I've been to a diet is erasing the food searches from my browser history.

A elderly lady, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters restaurant. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, “May I please use the restroom?”

The bartender replied, “OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.”

“Well, that's okay, I’ll just look the other way,” she said.

The bartender then showed the elderly lady to the back of the restaurant. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give her a loud round of applause.

She went to the bartender and said, “Sir, I don’t understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?”

“You see,” laughed the bartender, “every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.”