Best Jokes

My 13-year-old grandson spent a beautiful Saturday playing video games.

His older sister tried coaxing him outside by warning, “Someday, you’re going to be 30 years old, single, and living in Mom’s basement playing video games all day!”

He reply: “I can only dream.”

My daughter was listening to her radio in the other room, I yelled out to her and ask, "What the heck is that disturbing noise?"

She replied, "That's my radio daddy."

I said, "Well try mine it doesn't sound like that!"

Why did the turtle cross the road? To get into the shell station.

Why did the turkey cross the road twice? To prove it wasn't chicken.

Why did the rabbit cross the road? To get to the hare station.

A guy is at a bar, staring at his drink. Then a big truck driver comes up, takes the drink and chugs it down. The poor man starts crying. The trucker says, "I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man crying." ... "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to work, so my boss fires me. When I leave, I discover my car was stolen. I get a cab to return home and realize I left my wallet in the cab. I go home and find my wife sleeping with the gardener. I leave, come to this bar and just as I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."