Best Jokes

* Put the past behind you, unless you're a time traveler.

* Remember that only James Bond lives twice. You only live once.

* Time makes fools of us all. However, you can't make a fool of time.

* You sometimes get what you want. You can't always get what you need.

An Irishman proposed to his girlfriend on Saint Patrick’s Day and gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond.

On learning it wasn't real she protested vehemently about his cheapness.

He explained that in honor of Saint Patrick’s Day, he picked her a sham-rock.

Sergeant: "Private, I think the enemy soldiers are hiding in the woods. I want you to go in there and flush them out for us."

Private: "Yes, sir! But if you see a bunch of guys running out the woods, don’t shoot the one in front, sir!"

Man: Do you know C.P.R?
Woman: No why?
Man: Because you just took my breath away!