Best Jokes

The sheep were standing around talking to each other and discussing life as usual when suddenly they hear a "mooooooooooo".

They look around and see only sheep. They carry on grazing as before. "Mooooo, moooooo, mmmooo!"

One sheep can hear it all too clearly next to him. He shuffles away a little from his friend, a worried look on his face and then asks, "George, why are you mooing? You’re a sheep. Sheep go 'baa!'"

His friend replies gladly, "I know, I thought I would learn a foreign language!"

A very thirsty man goes into a bar. As he's sitting down, he hears the man next to him tell the bartender, "I'll have another waterloo."

The bartender gives the fellow a tall, well-iced drink, then asks the newcomer what he would like to drink. Thinking the other man's drink may be a specialty of the house, he says, "I'll have a waterloo, too."

The bartender gives him the tall, well-iced drink and the customer takes a big drink. "Hey," he says. "This isn't any good. It tastes just like water!"

The man next to him looks at the bartender and says, "Well, it is water. Right, Lou?"

I used to work in the woods as a lumberjack...

But just couldn't hack it...

So they gave me the ax!

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in...

A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.