Best Jokes

As the plane approached the runway for takeoff, the pilot came on the overhead speakers...

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome! We are third in line for takeoff, but don't worry, I think I can beat'em."

How many unemployed actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Six. One to screw it in and the rest to say they could've done it better.

As a nightclub owner, I hired a pianist and a drummer to entertain my customers. After several performances, I discovered the drummer had walked away with some of my valuables. I notified the police, who arrested him.

Desperate for another drummer, I called a friend who knew some musicians. "What happened to the drummer you had"? he asked me.

"I had him arrested," I replied.

My friend paused for a second and asked, "How badly did he play"?

Now that all of the coal mines are closed, all of those lumps of coal Santa left me are now worth a fortune!

I think I can corner the market with my supply alone... Thanks Santa!