Best Jokes

What did the fisherman say to the magician?

Pick a cod, any cod!

A married guy goes for his annual physical and to his shock & dismay the doctor tells him he has only 24 hours to live.

He goes home in shock and tells his wife, who makes him his favorite meal. They then go into the bedroom and make love. Around 10 o'clock he says lets do it again and she agrees. Around midnight as his wife is drifting off to sleep he nudges her and says how about one more time.

She rolls over and says, "Hey, some of us have to get up for work in the morning."

Each Friday night I drove my wife to the train station so she could go visit her sister who was ill. Ten minutes later, my sister arrived by train so that she could help with the house and kids over the weekend while my wife was gone. On Sundays this procedure worked in reverse with my sister departing by train 10 minutes before my wife arrived.

One evening after my sister left and while I awaited my wife's arrival, a porter sauntered over.

"Mister," he said, "you sure have some system going! But one of these days you're goin' to get caught!"

On a military training exercise, the British divisional command radio operators were getting very bored one quiet night, when breaking the silence a voice asked over the air, "Are there any friendly bears listening?"

After a moment, another voice replied, "Yes, I'm a friendly bear," and then another voice, "I'm a friendly bear too!"

At this point, the Officer at Headquarters grabbed his microphone and let loose a blistering tirade at the operators for fooling around on a radio link.

When he had finished, there was silence for about ten seconds. Then a small voice said, "You're not a very friendly bear, are you?"