Best Jokes

As a nightclub owner, I hired a pianist and a drummer to entertain my customers. After several performances, I discovered the drummer had walked away with some of my valuables. I notified the police, who arrested him.

Desperate for another drummer, I called a friend who knew some musicians. "What happened to the drummer you had"? he asked me.

"I had him arrested," I replied.

My friend paused for a second and asked, "How badly did he play"?

Now that all of the coal mines are closed, all of those lumps of coal Santa left me are now worth a fortune!

I think I can corner the market with my supply alone... Thanks Santa!

Who was the roundest knight at King Arthur's table?

Why, Sir-Cumference, of course!

You Know You Are Out of College When:

- Your potted plants stay alive.
- Sleeping in a twin-sized bed seems absurd.
- You have to pay your own credit card bill.

- Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well-balanced meal.
- "Extended childhood" only really pertains to your salary which is a little less than your allowance used to be.
- "Twenty-something" means over-qualified, under-paid and not married.

- Jeans, flannels and baseball caps aren't staples in your wardrobe.
- You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
- You stop confusing 401k plan with 10K run.

- You go to parties that police don't raid.
- You don't know what time Wendy's closes anymore.
- Your car insurance goes down.

- You refer to college students as kids.
- You feed your dog science diet instead of taco bell.
- Half your conversations with current college students start with, "When I was in college..."