Best Jokes

"Don't give up on your dreams."

"Really? You mean it?"

"Yeah, just keep sleeping."

George, who had a wife and 8 children, needed to move because his rental agreement was terminated by the owner who wanted to reoccupy the home. But he was having a lot of difficulty finding a new house. When he said he had 8 children, no one would rent a home to him because they felt that the children would destroy the place. He couldn't say he had no children, because he didn't believe in lying.

So, he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 7 of their kids. He took the remaining one with him to see rental homes with the real estate agent. He loved one of the homes and the price was right. The agent asked, "How many children do you have?"

He answered, "Eight."

The agent asked, "Where are the others?"

George, looked the agent right in the eye, and answered, "They're at the cemetery with their mother."

Actual 911 Calls:

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn...I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn....
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What where you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the police.

A son challenged his boastful father to a game of golf. The son was determined to beat his father in golf for the first time.

On the very first swing, the father got a hole in one.

“Okay, nice shot dad," said the son, thinking quickly on his feet. “Now I will take my practice shot and then we will start.”